My husband said I made him feel bad while I was giving birth, so I taught him a lesson.
Owen and I just had a baby together. Having the child in our lives made us so happy, and our families have always been there for us. Because the pregnancy went well, I thought the birth would be easy, but I didn’t expect how much pain there would be. Owen kept talking about how loud I was, so I think he wasn’t either.
As I sat across from Owen in the dark living room, my feelings were all over the place. Our new baby boy Liam was sound asleep in the room next door.
Owen was with me when I was in the hospital last week, deep in labor. The memory was already making me feel bad.
I took a big breath in and prepared my thoughts and courage to face what had happened during labor.
“Owen, we need to talk about what happened at the hospital,” I told him in a calm strong voice. When his eyes met mine, there was a hint of doubt in them.
He nodded, which I took to mean it was okay to go on. “Do you remember telling me to calm down when I was giving birth?” You said I was making you look bad.
I took the fact that he moved around in his chair uncomfortably as an acknowledgement. “Yes, I do remember,” he said with some reluctance and a hint of sorrow.
I paused, letting his acknowledgement stay in the space we shared. I spoke in a calmer tone, “I want you to know how those words made me feel.”
Owen, I was in a lot of pain. As I tried to get pregnant, all you could think about was how ashamed you were.
He did not answer the way I had hoped he would. I expected my husband to show pity or even say sorry, but instead he got angry and his voice got stern.
“Women should listen to their husbands, and you should have been quieter while you were laboring!” he yelled.
My husband is usually kind and thoughtful, so I was surprised by how he spoke.
He said something that surprised me so much that I got mad. Why was the guy I loved, the father of my child, so cruel?
Under the anger, though, I could also feel fear and shame.
That promise to help each other through life’s problems was not what I had thought our friendship would be like.
“Owen,” I asked, my crying getting worse, “is that really what you believe?” that in order to keep you from being upset, my pain and labor should be silenced?”
I only got a look from him. That was one of the first times I really couldn’t figure out what my husband was thinking.
I stood up because what he had just said made me sick to my stomach. He was in his cot, so I went upstairs to the master bedroom and took him out.
I stayed there most of the day, keeping the door shut so Owen couldn’t come in. First I heard him start his car and leave to meet some friends that night. Then I opened the door again.
Seeing Owen that day helped me learn more about who he is. I didn’t like what I saw in him; it was a different side of him. I knew I still loved him after all the time we had spent together.
That being said, I had to show him that I wasn’t just there to do what he said. So, I used the time I had to myself to come up with a way to make him see me as more than just his helper. And I needed my family to help me.
The next week, when we had dinner at my parents’ house, I could tell Owen was scared. There was something different about this family dinner that he knew about.
He must have known something was wrong. My family received us warmly and showed how much they loved and cared for us, but they didn’t know about the fight between us.
At the dinner table, people laughed and talked. There were stories told, and the room smelled like my mom was cooking.
Everyone was happy to join us in celebrating the baby’s birth. As the night went on, I asked my sisters to talk about their own birth stories. Owen was going to listen to the birth stories of other women and compare them to ours.
My sisters told me about the hard times, the good times, and most of all, how their men were always there for them.
Their stories showed husbands who were there for them emotionally as well as physically, offering support and understanding and helping to build a relationship and mutual respect.
Owen listened in silence. He had been stubborn before, but now he was listening carefully. While we were laboring and giving birth, I could see how their words affected him and made him realize something he hadn’t seen in his role.
It was a turning point for him, and my hope was that it would let us go back to how things were before.
Owen did not say anything while everyone else at the table talked. I watched as the lines on his head got closer together and his face got darker.
I swear it looked like he blinked off a tear at one point. I began to wonder if this was the best way to tell everyone about him. That would make him look bad and push us apart even more, right?
When it was my turn to talk, I looked at Owen. He looked like he felt bad about what he did. So it looked like he was okay with being embarrassed in public.
It was clear to me right away that I didn’t want my marriage to go on like that.
Therefore, I chose to focus on the good things Owen had done for me during my pregnancy and leave out the parts about when I gave birth instead of telling the story of my pain and sadness.
I told my family, “Owen was nice and helpful the whole time I was carrying Liam.” While it may not be a straight lie, it is still an omissional lie. I did mean what I said, though.
I told them about how Owen helped me every day and how he rubbed my hurt feet. He always looked at me with love in his eyes, and Owen did the same. My family loved the stories.
As we were leaving for dinner, he pulled me aside. He truly apologized and promised that he would never again treat me like a worker.
“I’m really sorry, Sarah. Tonight, I realized how much I still need to learn. I promise to be a better husband and partner to you.
On the way home, I was able to think about things and listen to soothing music. Liam was already sound asleep when he laid down in the back.
I was having a hard time letting go of the choice I made at my parents’ house. Is it right that I didn’t tell Owen the whole truth about what he did?
I felt calm as I watched him fall asleep that night. I did, in fact, believe him. Owen felt terrible. It was clear that he wanted to change.
My choice to show understanding instead of getting angry had given us both a chance to move on and make our family and relationship stronger. There was no need to forget the past; the point was to choose a future where we grow as a team and learn from our mistakes.
But would you have agreed with what your husband did? If he had been alone, would you have let him explain himself in front of the whole family? Use Facebook to tell us!
You might also be interested in this story about a 16-year-old boy who came in with a baby.
“I’m sorry, mom, but I had to leave him,” says 16-year-old son as he brings home the baby.
After our nasty split, something unexpected happened in my life. When I became a single parent to Josh, his wish for our broken family to get back together seemed both impossible and desperate.
However, the world has a funny way of making kids’ dreams come true. In our case, a shocking event proved this.
One day, Josh came home with a new baby in his arms. The baby was both a way to get through hard times and a whole new set of problems that none of us were ready for.
In the past, our family had a lot of great times together. The split and Derek’s departure to start a new life with someone else, on the other hand, tore that family unity apart.
Josh’s connection with his father stayed strong through the chaos. This shows that a child’s love is pure and doesn’t change when relationships get hard as an adult.
My son said he didn’t like meeting Derek’s new partner, Sylvia. This made his desire to go back in time much more important.
Derek’s comment that Sylvia was Josh’s “new mommy” was a terrible example of his lack of empathy, and it made me so mad.
That phrase was thrown into the conversation without any thought or consideration for the years of love, work, and care I had given to raising Josh.
The first thing that came to mind was to stop my son from talking to his father so that he wouldn’t get hurt again.
Sylvia, who was pregnant and had just broken up with Derek, reached out to Josh when she was at her weakest. Things got worse.
Even though I was uncomfortable and held grudges from the past, something changed when I saw Josh holding Andrew, Sylvia’s baby brother. Josh’s unwavering determination to protect his brother’s honor made me feel called to take on a part I hadn’t planned on.
When Josh asked to adopt Andrew when he was old enough, it made me think. This was an experiment to see how much I could love, forgive, and understand. The things he did showed how mature and responsible he was, which was very different from Derek’s lack of presence and laziness.
When we finally agreed to accept Andrew, we chose to begin a new part of our lives. Josh had not planned for this kind of family gathering, but kindness, strength, and an unexpected turn of events brought the family together in a way that brought them all together.
Derek finally tried to come back into our lives but failed. He wanted to ask for forgiveness and be a part of raising Andrew.
Even though we weren’t following the rules and had been through hard times, our family had found peace.
Josh, who is now Andrew’s father figure, and Emma, who is his partner, gave Andrew the safety and love he needed. This shows that commitment and love, not blood, are what make a family.
When I think about our trip, I remember how strong we are when life throws us curveballs. The story is about a family that, when things got hard, changed by moving forward with hope, love, and a strong commitment to each other instead of going back to the past.
