Age Difference: How Our Wedding Gift Was Misunderstood

I’m proud to be a grandmother to five wonderful grandkids, two boys and three girls. I love my grandkids a lot and do a lot to take care of them emotionally and materially. They know that they can count on me to be there for them, happy or sad.

The youngest granddaughter, Eloise, got married in October of last year. For our grandkids, my husband and I do something every year. He is also in his 70s. We give them a $40,000 cheque the day before the wedding. We also buy a small gift from the wedding registry, which is generally the least expensive thing there is.

In the end, it’s their choice, but we hope they use it as a house. Because our family is so big, we also ask that they keep it a secret. So far, everyone has done what was asked of them.

Our youngest granddaughter asked for an air fryer, which was the cheapest thing on her list. Eloise called us and was very angry. She called us cheap. The first time I answered her phone, she didn’t even say hello. Instead, she got mad and said, “Grandma, really?” I got your gift not long ago. A burner that works with air? That is the cheapest thing you could find on my list.”

She was shocked when I told her that I still thought the air fryer would be useful for them even though it was the cheapest thing on their list. Eloise kept having a bad mood, “Effective? Come on, you know you can do better than that. Everyone knows you have a lot of money. I can’t believe you’d be so cheap with me. It’s not right.

I told her, “Yes, you’re right,” when things got hot. We’re old, cheap, and not worth anything. The only thing you didn’t know was that we were going to send you a $40,000 cheque the day before the wedding.

I told Eloise this to help her understand what kind of money gift we usually give our grandkids before they get married, but she was so angry that she wasn’t listening to what I had to say. We had just bought her an air fryer, so maybe she didn’t think we’d give her that much cash.

In the end, she said, “No, it’s clear.” To put it simply, you don’t love me enough to tell me. You know that the wedding is making me feel stressed. Then this came after? “You don’t seem interested,” she said as she hung up the phone.

Even though Eloise’s answer shocked my spouse and me, we still gave her the $40,000 because we didn’t think she earned it. We tried to make her happy by giving her a china set instead.

Let’s look at last week. Eloise learned from her brother that we were telling her the truth about the money. After checking with her cousins, she called us again and said we were biassed. She said, “It turns out you really did give the money to everyone else when they got married.” What happened that I didn’t get anything?

“After seeing how you reacted to the wedding gift, we didn’t think it was right to give you the money,” we said to explain our stance. In an effort to change our minds, Eloise begged, “So, you’re punishing me? Is that the end of it? since an air fryer was the cause of my anger.”

That made me mad that she didn’t even know what she did wrong. It wasn’t about the air fryer, Eloise. The rude way you talked to us was what hurt. “I made it clear that we can’t support or expect that.”

Eloise begged us with tears in her eyes, “But that’s so unfair!” I was scared, Granny. It’s hard to plan a wedding, and I lost my temper. I didn’t mean for any of it to happen. In my view, she should have just said sorry to us instead of trying to explain what she did.

But we know this is a tough time, and I told her that words and actions have consequences. We wanted you to see how much more important family and love are than things. She was so upset that she said, “But you don’t understand!” Why don’t we just forget about this? I need that money, Grandma.

Even though she begged, said she would not celebrate Christmas, and said we were cutting her off, we wouldn’t give up. I finally told them, “We love you.” There’s no point in cutting you off. We only ask that you think about this and understand why we made this decision.

Eloise is now cutting short Christmas because she kept her word. Her mother, who is married to our daughter-in-law, is backing her and calling us crazy. Even so, we think that the air fryer shouldn’t have made her react this way after everything we’ve done for her.

Just to give you an idea, her folks paid for half of her wedding and graduate school. We also paid for her college. Also, she and her husband don’t really need our money because they have enough already.

We are not mad at our grandkids for telling her about the money donation because she is one of the family members who is allowed to know about it. Because we live so far away, we always send gifts early. That’s why we sent the air fryer early.

Also, the money we give is not part of the wedding gift. We hope it will be used for something important, like a house. We now think that what we did to Eloise was the right thing to do, and we won’t change our minds, even if she and her mother threaten us.

Even though things aren’t going smoothly and Eloise can’t understand our point of view, my husband and I are still committed to our choice. Because love and respect are the most important things to us, we thought she would learn something from this in our family.

The holidays may be less busy this year because her family isn’t there, but we hope that things will get better and clear up in the future. Eloise is welcome to come make things right whenever she’s ready. We always have an open heart and door.

Would you like more of this? Another story about a grandmother who made a lot of people angry on the internet because she didn’t give her grandkids gifts when she visited.

Grandma doesn’t bring her grandchildren gifts when she comes.
A grandmother who uses TikTok to give tips on how to be a grandparent posted a controversial video that made grandparents and parents fight online. Beginning of one of her films, she said that she never gives her grandkids gifts.

DeeDee from MoreThanGrand’s job is to help grandparents who just got married get used to their new role. She gives grandparents tools to help them better help and talk to parents as they raise their beloved grandchildren. There was some stuff she put out, though, that many people didn’t like. They believed she was overreacting and taking things too seriously.

Why doesn’t she take the gifts she gives her grandchildren?
The grandma lived far away from where her grandchildren lived, so she only saw them a few times a year. As soon as she became a grandmother, she decided not to bring anything with her every time she went to see her.

One reason she didn’t want to bring any more stuff was that her grandkids already had a lot of it. She did her best to support the parents who wanted to keep their home clean.

Another issue was how cheap she was with money. She said, “I’m cheap and don’t want to waste money on things I’m just going to throw away.”

However, the main reason she didn’t send her grandkids gifts was that she didn’t want them to think of her in a good way. They should be excited to see her, she told them.

When her grandkids ran to the door, she didn’t want them to ask her what was in her bag. Instead, she wanted them to greet her with soft smiles and warm hugs.

The woman made it clear that she wasn’t always selfish.
The mum made it clear that she never went to see her kids without something. There were times when she brought in a book that she had been reading to them over video chat. They would read it in bed together.

Some people thought she was going too far, while others liked how simple she was.

She would sometimes bring a board game for them to play together. After her visit, she would bring the board game home so her grandchildren would have something to do when it was their turn to see her.

She even brought the cookies her grandma used to give her when she was a child to remember those times. Even so, these were not regular occurrences.

Instead, she would give them her full attention and warm hugs. It’s what the woman has been most happy about. All of her grandkids run to greet her at the door, hug her, and tell her how much they miss her. When she talked about loving grandkids without expecting gifts, it started a conversation on the internet.

Some people thought she was going too far, while others liked how simple she was. A lot of people say that giving kids gifts is a real love language that they really value.

“Your description of my grandma is exactly how she was: “I thought she was thrifty,” someone wrote. They thought it was okay for kids to get little gifts as a way of saying thank you, especially if they hadn’t seen their grandmother in a while. After all, it’s the thought that counts.

People also didn’t think they had to choose between the two or be stuck in a “either/or” position. Some people told her it was okay to give her grandkids small gifts from time to time while also being involved in their lives.

What do you think of the woman’s view on giving gifts to children? Does it make sense to you?

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